I think im going to throw up on grandma
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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