Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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