I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
