we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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