Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
