I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Houston, we have a blender
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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