I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
