Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
