My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
