I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
