dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize