You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
third nipple confirmed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
