I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
