I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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