I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
