The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
