Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
