There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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