The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
