My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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