so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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