I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Randomize
