how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
