ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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