My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
