I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
