so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize