I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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