you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
