he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
