I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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