there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
