I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
