We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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