He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
