dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
