He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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