come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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