I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
