anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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