Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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