I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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