if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize