What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
