either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
