did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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