I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
