Swine flu. Run for my life!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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