I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
me + whiskey = a bad person
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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