youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I skipped work to stalk him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
