Swine flu. Run for my life!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
