hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
