first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
