I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
