Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
