i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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