I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
