pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need help removing her.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
