Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
