Sorry, I don't speak sober.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
