It's Friday. Sex?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
