just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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