I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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