can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
