please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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