I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's the barista slut.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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