thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
