She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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