My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
