if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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