Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk is not a location!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
