there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
