Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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