my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
