i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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