just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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