My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
that is very illegal...i love you.
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