ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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