apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i drank out of a bidet.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
