I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
high people should be assigned attendants
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
