Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
