Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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